Can Outreach and Loving Relationships Go Together?
Our research reveals that outreach to new people (Reach) and loving relationships (Care) should and must go together. An outward focus does not diminish the atmosphere of care and support in a group—it increases it. And a strong outward focus is also incomplete in and of itself. Groups that focus on reaching others for Christ must also nurture caring relationships in order to draw new people into the life of the group.

Repeatedly in the New Testament outreach and loving community are held together. Both display that God's Spirit is at work (Acts 2:41-47; 4:31-32). Perhaps 1 John 1:3 expresses the unity of outreach and Christian community most powerfully: "We are telling you about what we ourselves have actually seen and heard, so that you may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ."

When there is genuine care in a group, members usually feel free to share even if someone new is present. And a high level of openness and caring can draw newcomers into a deeper experience of God's love. When a group is both actively seeking new people and nurturing caring relationships, Jesus' love can draw newcomers into belonging and growth in Christ.

Discouraged or Encouraged?
The level of Care in a group impacts the encouragement felt by the small-group leader. One survey statement reads, "I feel discouraged as a small-group leader," to which respondents can answer: rarely, seldom, sometimes, often, or very often.

Their answers reveal one factor that impacts leader discouragement more than any other: the leaders most likely to be discouraged are those whose groups are experiencing very little Care between their members. On the other hand, groups experiencing high levels of Care tend to have leaders who are encouraged about their group and themselves as leaders.

Understand the Stages of Small-Group Life
The research of Bruce Tuckman has identified five stages that small groups typically go through: Forming, Storming, Norming, Performing, and Adjourning. Understanding these stages helps small-group leaders and members deepen the level of community in their groups.

The Forming stage is sometimes called the "honeymoon" stage because members tend to be very positive about the group and one another, even though they don't yet know each other well. Yet in the Forming stage members also experience uncertainty. They wonder: What is the purpose of this group? How can I fit in and contribute to the group's aims? Some people will test limits and others might try to impose their own objectives.

Conflict emerges in the next phase of group life—the Storming stage. Different expectations and personal conflicts create turbulence. Members become disillusioned with the group, its members, or its leaders. The Storming phase is a positive and welcome development, however. It means that group members are really getting to know one another and learning to work through their conflicting personalities and expectations.

Next groups enter a Norming stage as members work through their differences and take ownership in the group. Commitment and unity grow. Now people understand the mission of the group and are growing in care for one another.

This leads to the Performing stage. In this stage, members work together toward the group's goals. Each member understands how to contribute her own effort and abilities. The group now works together as a healthy team. There is still conflict as people rub against each other and offer differing ideas, but the conflict can now be resolved more positively.

Tuckman labeled the fifth and final stage, when a group fulfills its goal and disbands, as Adjourning. In small groups of Christ-followers this stage would better be called Reforming as groups multiply and launch new groups. When members "regroup" into new configurations, the stages of community begin again.

Tuckman's stages are a helpful explanation and simplification of small-group interaction. Of course, different people go through the stages at different rates, especially those entering a group midcourse.

Grow in Care through the Stages of Group Life
Here are some practical suggestions to help group leaders and members grow in Care through the stages of small group life.

Forming. In the forming stage, people want to grow in relationship with each other and they want to know what a group's purpose is. In this initial stage, provide fun relationship building activities like parties or cookouts. Allow extra time within the group meeting itself for relational interaction. It's helpful in this stage to allow more time for icebreakers and to make study questions more personal.

In this stage the leader should also clearly and repeatedly state the group's mission. This mission should be shaped by the church's small-group philosophy and the passion that God is giving the leader or the group's leadership team. Explain the five stages of group life. That way people can welcome the storming phase as a positive opportunity instead of being taken off guard.

Storming. Storming is the most challenging stage for group leaders and members. The people that seemed so wonderful last month have somehow become irritating. In this stage it is helpful to study the rich "one another" passages of the New Testament. People need to hear again God's invitation to "love one another deeply" (1 Peter 1:22), to "share each other's troubles and problems" (Galatians 6:2), to "honor each other" (Romans 12:10), and to "be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you" (Ephesians 4:32).

Perhaps some members compare the group to previous groups that they were in and conclude that this group does not measure up. Group leaders should patiently listen to people's concerns in this stage, while clearly restating their own goals and vision for the group. People should understand that each group has its own strengths and weaknesses. This group may not match a previous group in some aspects, but it will have unique strengths to offer as members open themselves to the new ways God wants to work in their lives.

"High need" people in the group should be referred to special ministries of the church or local Christian community. Although the small group can help meet some of their needs, they likely have needs that require special help.

Norming. In the Norming stage, the leaders should keep sharing the vision for group growth and multiplication. At this point people have truly bought in, so involve them in as much ministry as possible. Notice what people are good at and what they are drawn to, then invite them to lead and contribute to the group. Send and take members to leadership and other training events that your church is offering. Have members plan fun events that both members and unreached friends would enjoy coming to.

Performing. In the Performing stage, the group leader or leaders should be doing almost nothing themselves. Others should be hosting, leading worship, guiding the Bible discussion, leading the prayer and ministry time, and so on. If the leaders have given ministry away, as recommended, they can relax and enjoy the group more as a member. Their time is now spent more with emerging leaders evaluating how things are going and encouraging them in their development, rather than doing things themselves. It is pivotal, however, to continue to communicate the mission of the group to reach out and launch new groups so that people are ready for the next stage.

Reforming. Reforming means sending out new leaders and giving birth to a new group or groups. Like human birth, however, this stage also involves pain and adjustments.

—Jim Egli and Dwight Marable; excerpted with permission from Small Groups Big Impact (ChurchSmart Resources, 2011).

Here’s a practical list for inviting people to experience your church.

During the Make Your Mark series, we’re refocusing our church on one of the primary reasons were here – to share and live the Gospel and invite people to join His kingdom.  Since the church is the display of God’s glory on earth, and since Jesus said HE would build His church, we believe the church should be central to our lives and faith.  So inviting people to our church is part of our core mission.  Here’s forty great ways you can invite people to our church.  You don’t need to organize it…you and your small group, class or friends can just do it.

• Grill out for the employees of a company or business.
• Set up our party trailer, which comes with a grill, moonwalk, helium tank and balloons, video games, chairs, etc. at any community events.
• Dress up like a Star Wars character wherever there are people and take pictures with kids and families.  Give them a special invite card with the location they can download the picture.  You will have a blast and invite a bunch of people to church.
• Tailgate at high school football games.  Give away hot dogs and invite people.
• Set up a moonwalk at a local park while events are happening.
• Volunteer at community runs and bike races
• Hand out coffee or hot chocolate at the First Friday events in downtown Cartersville
• Give out hand warmers with the church logo at winter events like the Christmas parade
• Do a free oil change or car inspection in the House of Rock parking lot
• Show UFC fights on Saturday night at the House of Rock
• Host a block party for your neighborhood.  Again, the party trailer is available.
• Provide “full service” at a local gas station – wash windows and leave a car freshener
• Show free family movies at the House of Rock on Friday nights
• Help local schools with their fall festivals.  Instead of re-creating the wheel, just help a school make their event better.
• Take professional pictures at local school talent shows
• Visit a nursing home
• Take a couple of hours and put out door hangers in your neighborhood or apartment complex.
• Go put invite cards on car windshields.  Try not to get arrested…that keeps it fun.
• Be intentional about coaching a kids sports team.
• You and your kids set up a lemonade stand.
• Have a free garage sale…give away things and invite people to church
• Do a free car wash
• Walk around a neighborhood and collect canned food.  Invite people to church while asking for food.
• Hand out helium balloons at special events
• Get a truck, ladder and a bunch of light bulbs and walk around and ask people if they need light bulbs changed.
• Set up a bounce house at the movie theater when a big kids movie premiers.  Or in front of another store.  Managers are often open to anything that draws attention to their store.
• Put out road signs on the weekend (did you know about 15% of people who attend our church for the first time do so because they saw a road sign?)
• Put a giant leaf sign in the back of your truck.  Politicians do it – our cause is way more important!
• Give away Oak Leaf silly bandz anywhere there are kids.
• Enter a float in one of the parades.  Walk along side it and give away candy and invites.
• Take breakfast to school teachers.  Simply email the principal and ask if you can do it, set a day, and make it happen.
• Get a giant backpack sprayer and offer to spray for bugs in people’s homes.  It might seem strange, but what a great way to talk to someone and invite them to church.
• Salt driveways when it ices during the winter.
• Help with field days at a local elementary school.  What school wouldn’t appreciate volunteers?
• Take food to fire stations.  Let them know you appreciate them and that they are always welcome at your church.
• Valet cars when a school has an open house.
• Provide childcare for high school graduations.
• Cook team meals before home games at local sporting events
• Pass out candy and invites at your own house on Halloween, or downtown where hundreds of children come to trick or treat every year.
• Enter a team in the Georgia BBQ classic

Better yet…come up with your own idea, get your friends or group involved, and make it happen.  Let us know how we can help.

Michael is the Lead Pastor of Oak Leaf Church in Cartersville, Georgia. In 2005, he stepped out to start a brand new church in Cartersville. At its grand opening service, there were about 280 people that showed up. In 13 months, the church had grown to 900 people.

More from Michael Lukaszewski or visit Michael at www.heretolead.com/

Of course, you know which one over talks and which one arrives late most of the time. But do you know this about them — every single one has the same degree of righteousness! Paul explains in Romans 3:22 that Christ is our only source of righteousness. When He indwells our lives, we receive all the righteousness we will ever have for all eternity.

I once sat in a Bible study led by Jackie Pullinger in the Old Walled City in Hong Kong. Those attending were former cutthroats and vagabonds who had recently accepted Jesus into their lives. While they were clean on the inside, their body odor revealed that they needed to bathe. Regardless, one of the seediest members of the group shared a profound insight with the others. A pastor friend looked over at me in disgust. He later asked Jackie, “Why in the world did you let that smelly bum share that spiritual insight?” Jackie scolded him: “Do you think because you went to seminary you have any more righteousness in you than he has in him? He has exactly as much righteousness right now as he will ever have, and if Christ wants to speak through him, that man has every right to be a channel for our Lord!”

Take another look at your small group. Recognize they are a “basic Christian community,” a fancy way of explaining they are joined to become the very body of Christ. His glorious Spirit lives and moves in them.

Sense the dynamics that take place as the icebreaker moves into worship and then into edification. Feel again the burden that arises as you share the vision and pray for unbelievers on your “Blessing List.” Renew your awareness about Christ leading this group. You are only the facilitator!

1 Corinthians 14 speaks of the duties that each one is to perform (vs. 26). The term for “each one” in the Greek is hekastos, a word that depicts every person participating. In a small group, there are not to be any “shy Janes” who passively observe the others. We are all expected to function as body members.

Body parts do not function independently. They are all directed by one source. The head of the body directs the hands, the eyes, the legs. None of these parts acts independently. There must be a central control, Jesus Christ, who induces the body to perform His ministry through them.

THE CHRIST WHO DWELLS IN ME GREETS THE CHRIST WHO DWELLS IN YOU

When Jesus lived on the earth, His Spirit occupied a body immaculately conceived. His life demonstrated the presence of God. He healed, He raised the dead, He cleansed the leper, He forgave the harlot. However, He could be at only one place at one time. His ministry was limited by His human body.

After Jesus arose from the dead, God gave Him a new body — one that exists all over the world, all the time. His new body provides the hands, feet and presence that penetrates all cultures everywhere. That new body is the small group, the “basic Christian community.”

Paul wrote in Colossians 1:26-27 of a great “mystery” that had been hidden for generations. He said, “I share this mystery: Christ dwells in you!” Think of what that means to your small group: Every person in the small group has Christ living in him or her. He wants to cause the small group to function as His body, even as the body provided by the Father and Mary, His mother, gave Him opportunity to perform supernatural acts.

THE MAIN FACTOR IN MAKING YOUR SMALL GROUP SUCCESSFUL

The life force of a small group is Christ empowering it — Christ is in the midst, incarnating, indwelling it. He is the catalyst directing your small group how to grow and what to do. Christ must lead the small group. You are to serve the small group, but Christ must lead the small group. Beware of thinking too highly of yourself. You are a servant who facilitates the group so they can experience the life of Christ flowing into them for healing and restoration. Your small group members must also sense His presence guiding them into ministry to the unreached people around them.

I have often told small group leaders that they are not the group’s “teacher.” Nor is the assignment to be the primary caregiver and to solve every person’s problems. Rather, their job is to create an environment where the presence of Christ is known, and where His life operates in the body members.

Here’s a suggestion: Instead of trying to control the group during your next Edification Time, usher in the topic with a very brief review of the scriptural teaching presented by the pastor. Imagine as you speak that you are rolling a ball of introduction into the center of the circle. Then be quiet! Let the Holy Spirit guide what happens next.

I learned years ago to briefly introduce the topic to the group and then stare at the toe of my shoe. By doing so, I was indicating that I would no longer control what happens. After a period of silence, someone invariably speaks. He or she probably addresses me as they do so, but I deliberately do not establish eye contact. The group realizes that I have released them and will not guide the discussion. In that freedom, the body members begin to listen for the voice of the Head, Jesus, instead of the voice of the facilitator. What happens next can be awesome!

PRINCIPLES FOR RECOGNIZING HIS PRESENCE

The experienced small group leader is sensitive to the activity of the Holy Spirit as Christ guides the group. The leader knows that His activity is taking place when these things occur:

1. Meditation. The group thoughtfully considers the direction in which the Spirit is guiding the edification time. They know that a small group meeting frequently focuses on one or two members, becoming specific in ministry to them. I have seen this scores of times. As a small group leader, I think, “Lord, I see that we are meeting tonight particularly because You want us to minister to Audrey as she agonizes over her recent divorce.”

2. Transparency. Usually the edification time begins with general statements by a few of the members. Others may still be thinking. I am sensitive to who is not speaking. At an appropriate time, I may say with a smile to a silent member, “And now — a word from Mary!” I try to help every (hekastos) person in the group to share. By the time one-third of the edification time transpires, I as the small group leader want to be sure each person has participated.

3. Confession. Learn to read body postures by observing the group. If a hand or hands cover all or part of a face, that may be a sign the person is approaching confession. Crossed arms and legs may denote withdrawal or discomfort with the discussion. When a small group member shares deeply and perhaps makes an honest confession, the dynamic of the session takes a new direction. Christ has spoken in a special way to this person.

4. Compassion. As the small group leader, I must now reinforce the group by confirming the person who is sharing deeply. Voice tone and repeating what has been shared is important: “Jim, I hear you saying that you have never been able to forgive your father for the cruel way he has treated you. Some of us have been there. We understand!”

5. Edification. No issue is so deep that Christ cannot bring victory. When the group senses the activity of the Lord in one or more hearts, a time of silence is helpful so the members can reflect and hear what the Lord is saying. Remember that edification means that I hear your need, and then I hear Christ’s voice, and then I share what He has given to me so you may be built up. Pausing to listen to Him in the edification time is very important!

6. Accountability. Once the small group hears the clear words of the Spirit flowing through the sharing time, the small group leader needs to bring the issue to a conclusion. “Let’s go around the group and share what each one of us has learned from this session. Perhaps some of us would like the group to know where we can focus our prayer about where we go from here.” I recall one man saying, “Pray that when I pass by a newsstand in a strange city I will not be tempted to buy pornography.”

7. Joy. Many years ago, our small group was called to an emergency meeting by one of the members. With tears, the person confessed, “I have sinned against my Lord and against our life together as the Body of Christ.” After the sharing, we promised to create a 24-hour prayer chain while this person travelled to a distant city where previous immorality had taken place. Many faxes and phone calls were sent by the small group to support this person. Just before our member flew back, we got a call: “I have found total victory from my sin while I have been here!” The small group greeted the member at the airport with a banner that read, “Well done, good and faithful servant!” We all rejoiced because one of the body members had been triumphant! When a small group finds joy at the conclusion of their lives together, Christ is in the midst in a special way.

HOW TO TAP INTO HIS PRESENCE

The more time you as the small group leader spend in the “Listening Room” interceding for your small group members, the greater will be the awareness of Him when you meet with your group. As the small group gathered, I frequently sat with a deep sense of awe that we were about to assemble the hands, legs and other body parts of Christ, and that He would be revealing Himself in a special way that cannot be experienced by those who are not bonded into His glorious community. Intercessory prayer for one another is the secret of tapping into His presence.

BE A WITNESS!

Once a small group discovers the active work of Jesus within them, the small group is never the same. It moves to a new dimension that shakes all their value systems. But that is not enough! It is evident from reading the four gospels that Jesus was ceaselessly active in reaching out to the lost. Indeed, He said He had come “to seek and to save those who are lost!” How, then, can a small group group possibly think they are pleasing to the Lord if they are not targeting a group of unbelievers and using their small group as a witness to draw others to Him?

1 Corinthians 14:24-25 makes it clear that the greatest tool of evangelism a small group possesses is their meeting together with observers who are “unbelievers or ungifted ones.” When Christ’s presence is powerfully manifested in a special way in a small group meeting, unbelievers are awed by His evident presence and exclaim, “Wow! I have watched a lot of hocus pocus on religious TV, but in this room I really have met Christ. He is certainly among you!” And, says Paul, they will fall on their faces and be saved.

The full evidence that Christ is in your midst takes place when the unbeliever is also in your midst and finds Him in you! 

Randall Neighbour is the President of TOUCH Outreach Ministries, Inc., a non-profit organization located in Houston, Texas. His threefold ministry focus is to consult, train, and resource churches as they fulfill the Great Commandment and Great Commission through a highly relational holistic small group-based model for church life. Randall is the author of six additional resources for small group members, leaders, coaches, and groups, including the book, The Naked Truth About Small Group Ministry.

More from Randall Neighbour or visit Randall at www.touchusa.org

by Aaron Armstrong

Does one of your members only THINK they're saved? Here's what to do.

You’re sitting in your living room after small group, reflecting on the conversation of the evening. While you’re reviewing the night, you remember something a group member said, and it catches you off guard:

“I don’t know why we put so much emphasis on the Bible…it’s just a book.”

As you pray over this, you recall other similar comments and become increasingly concerned that this person may not actually be a Christian.

And, you’re right. They may not be.

According to recent Barna studies, only 19% of American born-again Christians hold to a biblical worldview, and 79% believe that the Bible is accurate in all that it teaches. Slightly less than two-thirds of this same group (62%) believe that Jesus was absolutely sinless, as the Bible teaches. Less than half (47%) believe that salvation is by grace through faith and not by works.

Given these statistics, I’d cautiously say it’s a certainty that there are men and women in small groups who may not be saved, but they think that they are.

This is a highly contentious statement to make, so I must clarify: We may not use these facts as license to self-righteously determine who is and is not a Christian. We must also be careful not to confuse someone who is immature in his faith with someone who is unregenerate. We must be wise in discerning the difference based on Scripture.

The Immature Believer

An immature believer is one who is simply confused about what the Bible teaches and what it says. He may be a brand-new Christian in need of guidance or a long-time Christian who simply has not sat under authoritative biblical teaching. He may even be one of those people who constantly fights over secondary issues.

While an immature believer may not understand Scripture well or may have some serious errors in his understanding of God, he is ultimately marked by a teachable spirit. He is open to correction from people who love him. He takes heed to godly counsel. He has a desire to learn and grow into the likeness of Christ.

The Corinthian church is a perfect example of immature believers. They lacked discernment concerning doctrinal issues. They excused gross unrepentant sin. They abused spiritual gifts in worship. Despite all this, they received correction from the Apostle Paul. They were teachable.

The Unregenerate Churchgoer

Here’s where things get complicated. The unregenerate churchgoer is very good at hiding in a crowd. Many of these churchgoers have been going to church for a long time; many more serve in the church as greeters, in children’s ministry, or even leading a small group.

Like an immature believer, these churchgoers are marked by a lack of biblical knowledge or an errant understanding of God. Others are characterized by a dogmatic legalism that elevates morality to the highest form of authority. Some believe that grace frees us to sin unashamedly; after all, God has forgiven us (see Romans 6:15). Some believe that all things are lawful, despite not being beneficial (see 1 Cor. 6:12-13). All will turn away from sound doctrine and find teachers who will tell them what they want to hear (see 2 Tim. 4:3-4).

They do not heed godly counsel. They do not submit to authority. They don’t have a desire to grow into the likeness of Christ. They are not teachable.

These are the clear marks of an unregenerate churchgoer.

You might be thinking, “Does it even matter if I think someone’s a Christian or not? What do I do with the person who is already in my group?”

The answer, again, is both simple and complicated.

Does it matter if we think someone may or may not be a Christian and how do we respond?

Our friends’ salvation and ongoing relationship with Jesus should be of great concern to us. If we love our friends, we need to do what we can to assist them, whether they are mature believers, immature, or secretly unregenerate. The following are a few of the things I’ve found helpful, as I hope you will:

1. Keep Christ central in all our content. Our studies must always be pointing to the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus. Teach the gospel when it’s popular and when it’s not (which is all the time). Only the gospel has the power to transform the hearts of the mature, immature, and unregenerate alike.
2. Be patient. Paul exhorted Timothy to teach with complete patience. Not everyone learns at the same rate. Everyone stumbles; everyone gives in to temptation and should be treated with gentleness.
3. Confront sin. We must be willing to call each other to repentance. We must cultivate an atmosphere where it’s safe to confess our sins, to be open about our struggles, and give and receive appropriate correction. If I am in sin, I expect one of the men in my group to confront me. If we love each other, we can do nothing less.
4. Hold your ground. Not everyone will endure sound teaching, but hold fast to it, especially when it’s hard.
5. Be willing to say goodbye. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is to ask someone to leave your group if they are disruptive, unrepentant and unteachable.

Are there unregenerate sheep in the fold? Probably. However, this shouldn’t come as a surprise to us. So what do we do? We keep Christ the focus of all our studies, we show patience and mercy, we confront sin in love, we hold our ground on key doctrinal issues, and we must be willing to say goodbye to those who will not do the same.

It’s intimidating, to be sure, but this is the call of leadership.

Aaron Armstrong writes regularly for SmallGroupTrader.com and is an author and designer of small group curriculum. He has hosted a small group in his home since 2007. He blogs at BloggingTheologically (Hardwords.wordpress.com) and works for a division of Compassion International.

CTRL—Take Control of Your Group

If your group is going to get back together, it will happen because you, the group leader, took control of things and decided it was time to get back in the groove again. Don't wait for others to let you know the group should get back together, or to manufacture the excitement and enthusiasm for re-starting. You are the leader; it has to come from you.

The first thing to do is set a definite date for when the group will resume its normal pattern of meetings. You might be tempted to try and contact the group and see when they want to get back together. Don't do it! It can be close to impossible to get in touch with everyone, and you can't expect people to call you or e-mail you back.

So take control. Set a date. And unless you discover that you'll be the only one there, don't change it.

ALT—Have an Alternative Meeting for Your First Time Back

Don't have just your normal meeting the first time you gather back. Do something different and fun that will catch people's interest and have them looking forward to being back together. Here are some suggestions:

• Have a game night in your usual meeting place.
• Go out and play some games—putt-putt golf, go karts, laser tag, bowling, etc.
• Have a picnic.
• Dinner and a movie.
• Set up a game of kickball, whiffle ball, or volleyball.
• Go to a minor or major league baseball game.
• Eat at a restaurant.
• Set up a potluck dinner.
• Have a video-game competition.
• Set up a ping-pong or corn-hole tournament.

Get the idea? Use one of these ideas or do something else. Just do something!

Once you are past this initial re-gathering time, you will probably want to re-visit your expectations for the group—and allow group members to do the same. Ask the group how they would like things to be different and what some goals for the upcoming year might be.

DEL—Don't Be Afraid to Delete Members from the Group

Life happens. We go through seasons where things change. Just because someone was in your group before doesn't mean they'll continue on. Groups can be held hostage because they keep waiting for one person or one couple to re-engage. It may never happen and the group fizzles.

Groups in that situation are much better off letting those people go and recruiting someone new. And that's really okay. It's healthy. Maybe one day the original person will come back, or maybe they'll join another group. Either way, don't take it personally. Just invest in the people you have before you.

So there you have it: CTRL + ALT + DEL your group and get off to a great "re-start!"

—Todd Elliot is Life Groups Pastor at Beach Church in Myrtle Beach, SC. Copyright 2010 by the author and Christianity Today International.